Marriage & the Church, 16 August 2026
16 08 26 Filed in: Sermons | Ephesians: Our True Identity
Marriage and the Church
Ephesians: Finding Our True Identity
Kirk Schneemann
College First Church of God
August 16, 2026
Ephesians 5:15-33
Series Big Idea: For followers of Jesus, we find our true identity in Christ.
Big Idea: In God’s Kingdom, we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
One of my favorite things about the Bible is how it is so simple and clear, nobody has ever disagreed about its meaning, interpretation, or application! All Christians agree on everything…right?!
We live in a divided world, a divided nation, and tragically a divided Church (capital C). Even though Jesus is seated at the right hand of the Father praying for our unity, we struggle to agree on—seemingly—anything and everything! The roles and differences between men and women are a hot potato in our day, yet I believe we can discern God’s will if we are curious and patient enough to do so.
We’re making our way through the book of Ephesians, written by Paul to early Christians. It feels like this ancient text could’ve been written last week!
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. (Ephesians 5:15-16)
The more things change, the more they stay the same. The days were evil then. The days are evil now. We are called to be light in the darkness, hope in the chaos, love in the indifference, peace in the conflict. Family, we’re on a mission from God, and it’s not to sit around and wait until we die or some so-called “rapture” event. We’re here to love, equip, and send, making disciples of all nations. We must be wise in our living. We’re not supposed to blend in and do what everyone else is doing.
Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. (Ephesians 5:17)
Do you want to know God’s will? Paul continues…
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:18-20)
There it is! This is God’s will for you. God’s will for you is to
- be wise
- stay sober
- be filled with the Holy Spirit (evidence will be the fruit of the Spirit, Gal. 5:22-23)
If we are filled with the Holy Spirit, it will be natural for us to
- worship God through music
- give thanks for everything
While it’s not always easy, it is simple. It’s the next section that gets controversial.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22
I can’t begin to imagine how much damage men have done taking this verse out of context. “Submit, woman! The Bible says you are to do whatever I want. Be a good godly woman and…”
One of my greatest frustrations as a pastor is scripture turned into sound bites, words used as weapons, passages manipulated to support agendas. It happens all the time. We must always read the Bible in context because the Bible can never mean what it never meant.
If you’re paying close attention, I skipped a verse, and it might be the cornerstone verse for the rest of our scripture today. Verse twenty-one says,
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
In God’s Kingdom, we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. This can only occur when we’re filled with the Holy Spirit, when we are surrendered and submitted to God, when we embrace Jesus as not just Savior but LORD. The fruit of this is honoring, loving, and serving one another.
Now Paul’s going to use the examples of wives and husbands.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)
The word “submit” does not actually occur in the original Greek. Verse 22 flows from verse 21 reading literally, “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ; wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord.”
God created us male and female. We are different, made to complement one another. The Greek word for “head” here is kephale which could mean “source” as woman was created from man in Genesis 2. It could also convey authority in this context. If so, this authority is not worldly power and control, but sacrificial love. I believe the heaviest burden—the greatest responsibility—is on the husband.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31
(Ephesians 5:25-30)
Jesus “gave himself up” for us, the church. He literally died for us. He makes us holy. He washes us and forgives us. He loves and sacrifices for us. In the Roman context of Ephesians, asking husbands to sacrifice for their wives would’ve been laughable, yet that’s what’s done in the Kingdom of God. Husbands are to be willing to die for their wives…daily. That’s a high calling.
Today, Jesus cares for the church. We are members of his body. He is the head, the bridegroom. He will return soon to our planet. We will spend eternity together on the new earth and the New Jerusalem.
I love how this passage is about marriage, but also about the Church. Husbands and wives. Jesus and the Church. No ego, control, sin, pressure, or selfishness.
Paul has been talking about the different roles of the head and body, but now he will talk about the unity of the two, beginning with a quote from the book of Genesis.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:31-33)
God’s design for marriage is a husband and wife becoming one, one flesh, one family, one body, mutual submission.
An Instagram post from MarriedWithTheMugicas summarized this well.
The commands aren't independent. They're a cycle. When a husband dies to himself, it becomes safe for his wife to respect him. When a wife respects her husband, it gives him something worth dying for. Death fuels respect. Respect fuels death. Each one makes the other possible. Your marriage isn't stuck because one of you is failing. It's stuck because neither of you will go first.
So What?
Husbands are to love their wives.
Wives are to respect their husbands.
We are to submit to one another.
I like Warren Wiersbe’s summary:
When the Christian wife submits herself to Christ and lets Him be the Lord of her life, she will have no difficulty submitting to her husband. This does not mean that she becomes a slave, for the husband is also to submit to Christ. And if both are living under the lordship of Christ, there can be only harmony. Headship is not dictatorship. “Each for the other, both for the Lord.”
Some of you are struggling in your marriage. Reach out to pastor. See a Christian counselor. Get on your knees and ask God what your next step is rather than waiting for your spouse to go first. If you are in danger, get help immediately. There are local resources available, but you need to tell someone.
Some of you are doing fine in your marriage. Seek fresh ways to love and serve one another. While not scientific, consider the 5 Love Languages and ways to speak the language of your spouse, not just your own.
Some of you desperately want to get married. Be patient. Become the desirable spouse rather than seeking one. Pursue God’s will as described in our text.
All of us need to pursue God’s love language…obedience.
All of us need to serve one another in community. If you’re not in a small group or serving on a ministry team, now is the perfect time to get in the game. New groups and opportunities are starting. Use a yellow Connection Card for more information.
For those looking for more on the biblical roles of men and women, particularly in leadership, I want to recommend Preston Sprinkle’s recent book From Genesis to Junia: An Honest Search for What the Bible Says about Women in Leadership. It offers various perspectives on these and related passages.
Next week we’ll see other ways to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” again, a revolutionary idea then and a radical idea among many still today.
The Bible is a massive library of more than sixty books. It’s understandable that interpreting it would not always be easy, especially when it was written in a different culture thousands of years ago. Still, this ancient wisdom is incredibly relevant. When we disagree on interpretation, we should always do so with…love and respect, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Ephesians: Finding Our True Identity
Kirk Schneemann
College First Church of God
August 16, 2026
Ephesians 5:15-33
Series Big Idea: For followers of Jesus, we find our true identity in Christ.
Big Idea: In God’s Kingdom, we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
One of my favorite things about the Bible is how it is so simple and clear, nobody has ever disagreed about its meaning, interpretation, or application! All Christians agree on everything…right?!
We live in a divided world, a divided nation, and tragically a divided Church (capital C). Even though Jesus is seated at the right hand of the Father praying for our unity, we struggle to agree on—seemingly—anything and everything! The roles and differences between men and women are a hot potato in our day, yet I believe we can discern God’s will if we are curious and patient enough to do so.
We’re making our way through the book of Ephesians, written by Paul to early Christians. It feels like this ancient text could’ve been written last week!
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. (Ephesians 5:15-16)
The more things change, the more they stay the same. The days were evil then. The days are evil now. We are called to be light in the darkness, hope in the chaos, love in the indifference, peace in the conflict. Family, we’re on a mission from God, and it’s not to sit around and wait until we die or some so-called “rapture” event. We’re here to love, equip, and send, making disciples of all nations. We must be wise in our living. We’re not supposed to blend in and do what everyone else is doing.
Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. (Ephesians 5:17)
Do you want to know God’s will? Paul continues…
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:18-20)
There it is! This is God’s will for you. God’s will for you is to
- be wise
- stay sober
- be filled with the Holy Spirit (evidence will be the fruit of the Spirit, Gal. 5:22-23)
If we are filled with the Holy Spirit, it will be natural for us to
- worship God through music
- give thanks for everything
While it’s not always easy, it is simple. It’s the next section that gets controversial.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22
I can’t begin to imagine how much damage men have done taking this verse out of context. “Submit, woman! The Bible says you are to do whatever I want. Be a good godly woman and…”
One of my greatest frustrations as a pastor is scripture turned into sound bites, words used as weapons, passages manipulated to support agendas. It happens all the time. We must always read the Bible in context because the Bible can never mean what it never meant.
If you’re paying close attention, I skipped a verse, and it might be the cornerstone verse for the rest of our scripture today. Verse twenty-one says,
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
In God’s Kingdom, we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. This can only occur when we’re filled with the Holy Spirit, when we are surrendered and submitted to God, when we embrace Jesus as not just Savior but LORD. The fruit of this is honoring, loving, and serving one another.
Now Paul’s going to use the examples of wives and husbands.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)
The word “submit” does not actually occur in the original Greek. Verse 22 flows from verse 21 reading literally, “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ; wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord.”
God created us male and female. We are different, made to complement one another. The Greek word for “head” here is kephale which could mean “source” as woman was created from man in Genesis 2. It could also convey authority in this context. If so, this authority is not worldly power and control, but sacrificial love. I believe the heaviest burden—the greatest responsibility—is on the husband.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31
(Ephesians 5:25-30)
Jesus “gave himself up” for us, the church. He literally died for us. He makes us holy. He washes us and forgives us. He loves and sacrifices for us. In the Roman context of Ephesians, asking husbands to sacrifice for their wives would’ve been laughable, yet that’s what’s done in the Kingdom of God. Husbands are to be willing to die for their wives…daily. That’s a high calling.
Today, Jesus cares for the church. We are members of his body. He is the head, the bridegroom. He will return soon to our planet. We will spend eternity together on the new earth and the New Jerusalem.
I love how this passage is about marriage, but also about the Church. Husbands and wives. Jesus and the Church. No ego, control, sin, pressure, or selfishness.
Paul has been talking about the different roles of the head and body, but now he will talk about the unity of the two, beginning with a quote from the book of Genesis.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:31-33)
God’s design for marriage is a husband and wife becoming one, one flesh, one family, one body, mutual submission.
An Instagram post from MarriedWithTheMugicas summarized this well.
The commands aren't independent. They're a cycle. When a husband dies to himself, it becomes safe for his wife to respect him. When a wife respects her husband, it gives him something worth dying for. Death fuels respect. Respect fuels death. Each one makes the other possible. Your marriage isn't stuck because one of you is failing. It's stuck because neither of you will go first.
So What?
Husbands are to love their wives.
Wives are to respect their husbands.
We are to submit to one another.
I like Warren Wiersbe’s summary:
When the Christian wife submits herself to Christ and lets Him be the Lord of her life, she will have no difficulty submitting to her husband. This does not mean that she becomes a slave, for the husband is also to submit to Christ. And if both are living under the lordship of Christ, there can be only harmony. Headship is not dictatorship. “Each for the other, both for the Lord.”
Some of you are struggling in your marriage. Reach out to pastor. See a Christian counselor. Get on your knees and ask God what your next step is rather than waiting for your spouse to go first. If you are in danger, get help immediately. There are local resources available, but you need to tell someone.
Some of you are doing fine in your marriage. Seek fresh ways to love and serve one another. While not scientific, consider the 5 Love Languages and ways to speak the language of your spouse, not just your own.
Some of you desperately want to get married. Be patient. Become the desirable spouse rather than seeking one. Pursue God’s will as described in our text.
All of us need to pursue God’s love language…obedience.
All of us need to serve one another in community. If you’re not in a small group or serving on a ministry team, now is the perfect time to get in the game. New groups and opportunities are starting. Use a yellow Connection Card for more information.
For those looking for more on the biblical roles of men and women, particularly in leadership, I want to recommend Preston Sprinkle’s recent book From Genesis to Junia: An Honest Search for What the Bible Says about Women in Leadership. It offers various perspectives on these and related passages.
Next week we’ll see other ways to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” again, a revolutionary idea then and a radical idea among many still today.
The Bible is a massive library of more than sixty books. It’s understandable that interpreting it would not always be easy, especially when it was written in a different culture thousands of years ago. Still, this ancient wisdom is incredibly relevant. When we disagree on interpretation, we should always do so with…love and respect, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.