Pastor Kirk

Reflections from a spiritual pilgrim in Toledo, Ohio

Vulnerability

Be Real, Family Rules, 18 January 2015

Series Overview: The purpose of this series is to cast a vision for a healthy church family, noting particular strengths and weaknesses of Scio in the process.

Big Idea: A healthy church family shares joys and sorrows honestly.

Real Versus Fake

We live in a world where things are not always as they appear. In a word, there are many fake things we encounter. We have

fake food (did you ever grab a fake apple hoping to enjoy a juicy bite?)
fake money
fake shoes
fake electronics
fake tans
fake hair and nails and eyelashes

Photoshop and other tools have made it difficult to know if things are real or fake.

When we meet a person, we usually have no way of knowing whether they are for real or merely trying to make a good first impression. This is especially true with people asking for help, be it at an exit ramp or on a downtown sidewalk. How do we know if their story is legit?

It’s one thing to believe in a fake object, but quite another to believe a fake person. Unfortunately, people can be fake long after we meet them. It’s so common for people to hide their true self. We commonly call this facade a mask. Some go as far as maintaining the mask until they get married and then, suddenly, they show their true colors to their new spouse, providing a terrible surprise. They put their best foot forward during the courting, hiding their true self.

This is week two of our series
Family Rules, a double entendre. Followers of Jesus are part of the universal family of God, worldwide. Specifically, this series is about the family known as Scio Community Church. Who are we? How are we to live, not as individuals, but together as family? These are questions we are addressing throughout this series.

Last Sunday began with rule number one: know thyself. We are God’s children, adopted into His family through the death and resurrection of our big Brother, Jesus. We are commanded to not only love God, but one another…and together love and serve our world. Now we turn to rule number two: Be Real.

God’s love is truly amazing! What I love about God’s love is it is unconditional. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done, what we’re doing, or what we’re going to do—we’re still loved and accepted. Sure, poor choices will result in consequences that will break His heart, but they’ll also affect us in profound ways that will hopefully produce growth and wisdom. I say it often, but nothing you can do can make God love you more, and nothing you can do can make God love you less. That’s amazing grace!

So we are loved and accepted unconditionally by our Creator God, yet sometimes we find it hard to be totally honest with God. It’s crazy how we—how I—will often hesitate during silent confession, rationalizing my sins, justifying my actions, and avoiding my true transgressions…as if God doesn’t know! Or God will reject me! When I finally reach the point of calling a spade a spade, I never feel wrath or judgment. It is, after all, God’s kindness that is intended to lead us to repentance, not His anger (Romans 2:4). One of the most beautiful verses in the entire Bible was penned by John:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

But here’s the thing: I can confess my sins to God and know in my head that I’m forgiven because of Jesus and the cross, but I don’t always
feel forgiven. Having God as your Master and LORD has many advantages, but one challenge is experiencing Him through the senses. This is where you come in!

Jesus’ half-brother, James, wrote about prayer.

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. (James 5:13-15)

Wow! What’s not to like about those words?! At this moment are you in trouble? Are you happy? Are you sick? If so, respond! There’s one more verse that follows these, and it begins with “therefore.” Now that we know what “therefore” is there for, verse sixteen says

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. (James 5:16)

Do you see it? Confess our sins to God. No! Confess our sins to the professional priest. No! Confess your sins to each other.

Be Real

In the book of Genesis, we read that God created Adam and Eve, they were naked and unashamed. We often think of those words in the physical sense, but I believe there’s another level of “knowing” involved. Without sin there was no shame, and without shame there was no embarrassment, no hiding, and no masks. Adam and Eve had a level of intimacy none have had since, a relationship free from barriers or walls.

The Fall did irreparable harm to not only our relationships with God, but also our relationships with one another.

But here’s the thing:

We’re all broken. We all need God. But by the grace of God…

While I admit our culture—and our courts—don’t view all sins equally, we all sin. We all fall short of God’s perfect standard demonstrated by Jesus. We’re all messed up.
Tragically, the church has often been the LAST place to find broken people…because some perceive it to be a place for shiny, happy people. It’s a place for God’s wonderful children to smile…and judge the “sinners” in the world. I believe many in our community never even think about attending Scio Community Church because they believe they are unworthy, imperfect, and unable to fit it amongst the holy saints here.

May it never be! No perfect people are allowed at Scio (except Jesus!).

While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Mark 2:15-17)

We’re not to be a museum of perfect people, but rather a hospital of broken people who are getting healed, becoming whole, and ultimately becoming wounded healers who help others.

It all begins with me—and you. We must get real. We must get honest. We must take off the
mask that covers our sins and weaknesses and face the simple truth that we’re messed up…and so is everyone else here!

It has been suggested that attendees at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are far more honest than church attendees…because you begin by admitting you have a problem. Scio family, we need to just say it—we have a problem: sin. You have it, I have it. It’s not something to be proud of, but nor is it something we should hide. Hiding hurts us and those around us because there is power in community, power in family, power in doing life together. That’s why support groups are so successful. That’s what Scio ought to be: a support group for sinners who are striving to be like the perfect Saint, Jesus Christ.

It can be hard to be honest with ourselves, often more difficult to be honest with God, but often even more difficult to be honest with others. Why?

Fear…of rejection.

Why don’t we share? Fear of rejection and condemnation.

When did we ever get the idea family members would reject and condemn us? Experience! The church universal has a reputation for being filled with arrogant, self-righteous hypocrites who look perfect on the outside yet sin outlandishly in private. Is it true? It’s easy to do. Condemning others makes us feel better about ourselves. The comparison game is always deadly because we feel too good about ourselves or too bad about ourselves. The reality is we all desperately need grace because we’re all sinners who fall short of perfection—which is why we need help. We need God’s help and we need the help of one another.

Dave has been a tremendous example of this. As a recovering alcoholic, I’ve watched him struggle for years with addictions, yet both seek help and help others a step or two behind him in the journey. His honesty and transparency have helped shape the culture at Scio as an open, honest, engaging community. We haven’t mastered it yet, but I believe we are becoming more real as a family. If you are in your fifties or above, this idea of being real may seem a bit foreign or uncomfortable. For young people, it’s essential. Young adults can smell fake a mile away. They’ve been bombarded with messages and images of fake promises, products, and people throughout their entire lives. The big question many people are asking today about the church—and about Scio Community Church—is not, “Is it true?” but “Is it real?”

I have a dream…of a day in which our family is known as the most honest, authentic collection of people in our community, a place where the broken find healing and the captives are set free, a people who don’t encourage sin, but accept sinners.

It begins with me and you being honest with our stuff and showing love to others who are dealing with their stuff.

Like every “rule” in this series you may find this message irrelevant. You’re real. You’re accepting. You’re authentic. Great! Pray for others to have the courage to get real, to be vulnerable, and to have a heart of compassion for those at Scio who are dealing with greed, lust, bitterness, addiction, sexual identity, gossip, pride, or a host of other sins that are secret and hidden…and that will never be resolved without acknowledgment, confession, and repentance.

It’s difficult to share our failures with others…and I’m not suggesting any of us grab a mic and list all of our sins each time we gather. It does mean, however, that we share appropriately our struggles, adjusting the level of intimacy as appropriate to the relationship we have with others. Deep friendships take time…and trust…and often someone willing to go first and open up. We reveal our true self to others so we can experience deeper bonds with others and growth in areas of weakness. Those results can never occur, however, when we wear the mask and keep others distant.

My favorite definition of intimacy is to be fully known by another. Is there anyone on the planet that knows you fully? Again, I’m not suggesting we should be an open book with everyone, sharing every secret and sin…but we all need friends, true friends that are like a brother or sister. Without them we can never experience the deepest freedom of forgiveness, the challenge of holiness, or the joy of growing in Christ.

Years ago I had a friend who frequently told me about his girlfriend. I know he cared for her, but many times he shared his frustrations with her. Whenever I asked if he told her his frustrations he would say no. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Instead, he was wearing the mask and, ultimately, being dishonest with her. She never truly knew him because he only said things he thought she wanted to hear.

As long as we conceal our true thoughts, feelings, and struggles we will never experience intimacy. People will never know the real us. God knows the real you…and he still loves you! We'd like to know you, too!

You can listen to this message and others at the Scio podcast here. You can also subscribe to our podcast here.

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